


Monster (Never Forgive, Never Forget)

by TheCharmingSeal



Series: Never Forgive, Never Forget [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angry Merlin, Dark Merlin, Dialogue-Only, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Magic Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3531578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCharmingSeal/pseuds/TheCharmingSeal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin's sick of being judged by someone else's standards. Now that his secret is out, there's really no need to hold back anymore, is there?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster (Never Forgive, Never Forget)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, okay. So I wrote this a hell of a long time ago, way back when I ate, slept and breathed any and all things wattpad. I haven't edited it since then and I basically want to see if this is worth fleshing out (possibly re-writing it) to a more full bodied story.
> 
> Lemme know what you think, and Kudos are always welcome :)
> 
> (Un-Betaed)

A/N: Just to clear this up, this is set post reveal. The focus of this story is not the reveal but the aftermath. There were a lot of ways this could go and I've read a lot of different fanfics where Merlin reveals his magic and I wanted to write one that was slightly different. In all the different stories that I've read Merlin ALWAYS forgives Arthur. No matter how angry he got, he would always forgive him. Like I said, I wanted this story to be different. so BE WARNED because this story won't have a happy ending. There will be no Merthur bromantic or otherwise because, in my mind, Merlin is too good for Arthur and he doesn't deserve him. Just once I wanted Merlin to realise that.

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"Monster"

 

"Only since I met you"

 

"And just what is that supposed to mean"

 

"It means that's what you do. That's what you all do. It's what Every single goddamn Pendragon does. You take innocent people and make them into monsters."

 

"How could--"

 

"What? How could I say that? Because it's TRUE. I was nothing more than an innocent farm boy from a small village before I met you. I used my magic My goddamn BIRTHRIGHT to help people. I used it to help crops grow and to help cows birth easier and to heal the sick and the wounded. But people didn't see that. All they saw was the "monster" that your family made me out to be, with the freaky gold eyes that could move objects before he could talk. Do you know I was on almost constant house arrest? My mother wouldn't let me leave the house because she was scared. Not of me. FOR me. Because every time I left there'd be name calling. People giving me dirty looks. Beatings. Do you know I was 13 when I was first raped?!"

 

"Wh--"

 

"Yeah that's right sire. FIRST raped. As in the FIRST time that it happened. People always called me sick and wrong but they were the sick ones. The would use me and then leave me to die. But I didn't die. I couldn't. My magic would heal me whether I wanted it to or not. So they'd share me around. Tell everyone I was a slut and take me out into the middle of the woods and have their way with me."

 

"But why didn't you-?"

 

"Leave? I couldn't. I wouldn't ever leave my mother behind like that. Especially since she didn't-doesn't know what was happening."

 

"No I meant why didn't you use your... magic?"

 

"Because I didn't want to hurt them."

 

"HURT THEM?!! MERLIN THEY WERE RAPING YOU!! HOW LONG WAS IT GOING ON FOR?!"

 

"That's not the only reason sire. And don't pretend like you care. I'm an "evil" sorcerer, remember? Anyway, I knew that if I used my magic against them that'd make me the monster they said I was. And as to your other question it happened right up until the night before I left for Camelot."

 

"But... You were eighteen..."

 

"Yes."

 

"5 years Merlin. FIVE WHOLE YEARS IT WENT ON AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO TELL ME?!!"

 

"You didn't need to know. Anyway that's not the point."

 

"NOT THE PO---"

 

"The point is. The reason that the only sorcerers, of which I am not considering I'm a warlock, thank-you very much, you encounter are evil is because you make them that way."

 

"How Merlin! I don't understand."

 

"No... You wouldn't. Let me put it to you this way. If someone. Let's say me for now. If I were to go and kill your father and all of the knights"

 

"My father's dead."

 

"Moot point. If I were to kill them all in cold blood. Just because they're... aha! Because they're of noble birth. What would you do?"

 

"I'd.. I'd..."

 

"You'd be angry and hurt and probably try to kill me or exact some form of revenge. No don't deny it."

 

"Mmph"

 

"Now imagine that I not only killed them. But every single person I could find that was of noble birth. Lords, Ladies, Knights, Barons, Princes and Princesses of all ages, yes, including small children. And imagine that somehow you're still alive and you're of noble birth and this has been going on for decades. How would you feel? What would you do?"

 

"I--"

 

"Let me help you out. You'd feel angry - these are your people after all. I mean what right do I have to kill these people for something they can't control? It's not their fault they're born noble. After all, you don't get to choose your family, your blood. Next you'll feel confused. You don't know why I'm doing this. Most nobles haven't done anything wrong. Most of them are good people. So why do I believe they're evil? Why does everyone believe "nobles" are evil?"

 

"Okay... Fair enough--"

 

"Oh no. I'm not done. Now imagine that you spent your WHOLE. DAMN. LIFE. Being bullied. Beaten down. Raped. Feared. Hated. By everyone you meet because of something that's out of your control. Imagine that when people walk by they spit at you. They leer. They pull their children out of the way in fear and disgust and tell them to "keep away from that man, he's not safe." Imagine that tales of your kind are used as scare tactics to get kids to behave. Imagine that children cry and clutch their mothers skirts when they hear the word 'noble'. Imagine that your only friend sells you out to be taken for execution because a guard gave him 10 silver pieces. What would you do?"

"I'd hate them. I'd probably hate myself too."

 

"Exactly. So you learn to hide. You buy cheap clothes. You dirty your face. You ruin your hair - because let's face it, no peasant can afford a proper cut. Then one day your mother says that it isn't enough. That she's sending you away. That you have to leave because it's not safe any more. She has a friend in the city. So you go. An it hurts. It hurts because she was the one person who saw the good in you and now she wants you gone. And you start to wonder if you really are a monster. If you really are the stuff of nightmares. You start to believe it. Just a little. It probably doesn't help that when you arrive the first thing you see is the execution of a noble. Right in front of your eyes you see the axe fall. You look around and realise that everyone around you is cheering. They're actually happy. Now you really start to panic. You thought it was bad before but it was nothing compared to this. Before it was beatings. If you're caught here it means certain death. So you hide it. You hide it better than ever. You have to. You keep your seal of nobility under a floorboard in your room. You attend a feast. A feast. Banquet. Celebration. For another Noble dead. And you feel sick. You wonder if you should just give up now. As you look around you realise that there is more food than your village would see in an entire year laid out on the tables. All because they killed an innocent man. The sad part is, most of it will probably go to waste. Then somehow you become the manservant to the son of the one who started it all. Me. Me who orchestrated the hatred and executions of your people. If you were panicking before it's nothing on how you feel right now. Still with me?"

 

"Merlin.."

 

"Good. Skip forward a year. At this point you've done the unthinkable. You've become the son's friend. You never say it but you know the friendship is there. But it starts to grate on you. Having to stand by and watch your kin be executed before you. You have to watch as he celebrates. You have to listen to him hate. And fear. And despise what you are. And you have to stand there and smile. You tell yourself that he doesn't really mean that. It's just how he was brought up. He wouldn't hate you. He doesn't hate you. He couldn't hate you. And after a while it doesn't work any more because it's been six years now and he's still saying the same thing. The first few months were easier. But over time you start to resent him. You start to resent yourself. You want to scream with the injustice of it all. You want to yell at him. You want to yell at the world that it's NOT. YOUR. FAULT. Some days are better than others. Some days are worse. Most days there are attacks by other nobles on his life and on some of those days it's all you can do not to step aside and let them. Other days you want to scream at them 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOURE ONLY GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE!' But you don't because you understand. You understand the grief and the rage and need for revenge. But you save him anyway. Partly because he's your friend and partly because he's king now and there's no heirs. But mostly because it's second nature. You've been doing it too long. No one needs to know about the sword. Sometimes you don't even need to use it. You've saved his life with and without it. Steadily the resentment builds. You're not being thanked. Everyone thinks you're an idiot. If your friends found out they'd kill you. You still have to hide. And then one day... One day it just stops. And you stop feeling. You stop caring if you live or die. You stop caring about the consequences. You just stop. You take him by the shoulder and you tell him. You tell him. You show him. And you wait."

"You're waiting right now."

"Yes."

"I'm not going to lift the ban."

 

"I didn't think you would."

 

"So I was right. You don't trust me."

 

"I've seen no reason to believe you would do otherwise. It's been years Arthur. I know now that you're never going to change."

 

"Do you really think so little of me?"

 

"It's not about thinking. It's about seeing. And I see a man that's lived his entire life trying to please his father. Even after his death. I don't think you even know how to think for yourself anymore."

 

"So what do you want me to do?"

 

"Didn't you listen? I simply don't care any more. I have no illusions that I'll be living past the end of this conversation."

 

"Merlin..."

 

"Arthur."

 

"So that story.."

 

"Abridged backwards version of my life. Yes."

 

"Why didn't you tell me..?"

 

"Because you would've tried to stab me with a shiny stick."

 

"My sword?"

 

"Shiny stick. And because I hoped with a little insight and a little common sense you would come to the realisation that magic isn't evil on your own."

"Merlin I knew."

"When?"

"Two months ago, during that bandit attack."

"I didn't use magic then."

"I know."

"In fact I was unconscious then."

"You were"

"Then why..?"

"Because suddenly it was 10 times harder than it used to be to fight them off. And I remember thinking, 'These bandits are a lot more skilled than before. Usually they're tripping all over the place.' And during the entire thing I kept one eye on the trees. It wasn't until after that I realised I had been subconsciously waiting to see if any of them would fall. Obviously, none of them did. And afterwards it just clicked."

"You didn't kill me."

"No."

"But you're still keeping the ban."

"No."

"Okay..."

"That day I realised that magic isn't inherently evil. So me, Gaius, Gwen and Geoffrey set about changing the laws. It was going to be a surprise..."

"Right."

"Merlin where are you going..?"

"My work here is done. You're King, Gwen's Queen and magic is back. My destiny is now complete and I have no desire to be in your presence anymore."

"So that's it? You're just going to leave?"

 

"Why would I stay? I hate this place. Camelot could burn to the ground and I'd just shake my head and walk away."

"I thought you'd be happy...?"

"To end the bloodshed? Sure I guess. But to be honest we're about two long years past me being 'happy'."

"Well, are we still friends? Can't you at least visit? Think about Gaius, he'd be crushed."

"I've spent ten years thinking about nothing but keeping you and everyone else alive and Camelot standing to the point where I honestly don't give a damn any more. I have given everything I am to you and there is nothing left. And frankly, I'm not even sure you deserved it in the first place."

"I know."

"Yes... I finally think you do.."

"It was nice knowing you. Really Merlin. I mean it. You'll always be my best friend."

"Y'know I think that's the first time you've ever called me that. Too little. Too late though, huh?"

"Yeah.. yes I suppose it is. Goodbye Merlin."

"Stay out of trouble, would you? Don't look at me like that. I say it because I want you to realise that I'm not going to help you. Morgana may be dead but there are still threats."

"Morgana?"

"And Mordred. Consider it as a farewell gift, because it's the last one I'm giving."

"I'm never going to see you again... am I?"

"You already know the answer to that."

"Yeah. I guess. I just... Oh.. you're gone... Okay... Bye."

.

.

.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At some point after Merlin walks away Arthur finds a note from him that reads:

" 'Arthur. At least one of us needs to remember the good times, right? P.S. You'll see me again three years today. Whether it will be on good terms is uncertain. Just... try to survive till then, ok? Merlin.' "

 

"He's coming back..."

 

 

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A/N: Yeah so the ending kinda fell to pieces. To be honest it was a lot harder to end with angry/dark Merlin than I thought it'd be. Maybe that's why most writers had him forgive Arthur in the end? (that and that it's in his nature to) I sincerely hope this isn't awful as I wrote it all in one go in the wee hours of the morning (nothing I write in one go ever seems good later on) anyway while I'm not happy with the ending I did have a reason for it. Originally Merlin was going to leave and/or commit suicide and that'd be it. But I wrote it this way so that I could continue it if I wished.

There are two ways I thought of continuing this, and if I get enough responses I'll do either or both.

1) Another chapter where Arthur goes back to Camelot and tells everybody what happened - along with their reactions.

2) Another chapter on Merlin's return (pretty obvious given the ending)

P.S. I don't know why it's entirely in dialogue. I started writing it on my iPhone at about 12am in the middle of reading another fanfiction because the plot bunny bit HARD. I was just trying to jot it down at first so I didn't bother with description. And the when I went to type it up and flesh it out I was loath to add any in. So, yeah, no description. You're just going to have to fill in the blanks.

Thanks for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> So..... Is it decent enough to warrant working over? Or is it a monstrosity that should never have seen the light of day? Also, are there any tags you think should be added?
> 
> ~TCS


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